3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
