in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We smell like vodka and hangover
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