just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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