he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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