My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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