It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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