just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
