he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
