Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
