My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
