She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
