i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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