do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
