You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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