I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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