what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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