Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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