It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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