I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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