Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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