ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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