So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
