After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
