I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
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