I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
