WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
