apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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