When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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