After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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