I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
