her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
