i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
