Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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