Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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