If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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