Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
