The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
