we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
