There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
