You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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