His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
