when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
