I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
