My first STD was from a foam party
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
