We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
