That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize