Yo dont text me then not text me
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
