I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
