some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
