well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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