You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
