I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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