I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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