I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
