I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
